Does it help to eat candy?
The revolting fact that the Swedes eat candy up to 16 kilos per person a year isn’t only disgusting but also true!
We eat more sugar than any country in the world. Still, we aren’t the fattest people on earth.
When I had a burnout I constantly looked for candy in our kitchen cabinets, hoping to find any candy crumbs or anything “candylike”, forgotten in our children’s room hidden under the beds, for them to take when they crave for it.
My cravings for sugar was limitless. I gain weight yes but not compared to the amount of candy I ate.
The thing is that candy was for me a way to prevent anxiety, or trying to prevent it. More true, to fool myself that candy would take that terrible feeling of anxiety away.
But it didn’t.
The same way, I believe it is with alcohol. You take it to forget, deaden your feeling of lack of worth, happiness or fulfilling feeling.
It doesn’t help, we know that don’t we?
And it doesn’t help to sleep, even if you sleep 10 hours a night, you won’t feel less tired.
Chronic fatigue comes with burnout. And that tiredness won’t go away for a while.
In the early stages of burnout, you may find yourself lacking energy and feeling tired often. You may go to bed early but still, wake up tired. You may move more slowly and find you need extra time to get ready and get out the door. At its worse, the fatigue becomes a physical and psychological state of exhaustion. You feel drained. Everything takes a concerted effort. You have no energy, so you do as little as possible to make it through the day. You find it difficult to get out of bed and may even call in sick on the days you feel like you simply can’t get out of bed. This type of extreme fatigue also often results in a sense of dread for what lies ahead of you on any given day.
My own experience of this chronic fatigue goes back to the early days of my relationship with the man who became my abuser.
My way to my first burnout started when I was working on a project as a webmaster at a child health clinic in the hospital where I worked.
I was working nightshifts and at the same time, building a 20-page website with information to parents.
This was a ” do it yourself job”. I had no one to help me or work with so it was a hard task to follow through. I never asked for any help either. Maybe because I belong to that generation, or to prove to anyone that I can manage on my own.
I was a single mom, recently divorced, broken-hearted, alone and confused.
I made the mistake of opening up my heart to someone that wasn´t good for me.
My ability to have a clear sight was reduced. I felt small and useless. My previous marriage had told me so. Struggling to cope with the task of being alone with a poor economy. Not beautiful enough, not good enough.
When I was at the lowest point in my life, a man appeared that immediately started to court me and he absolutely kissed the ground I went on, but eventually struck me even deeper than I thought possible.
He knew what buttons to press to break me down. And I had no defense because he also gave me something I wanted and needed. Words of appreciation. He said I was beautiful and wonderful. But the next day the opposite.
He told me lies about myself that I eventually started to believe in. He told me that I was a whore, out at night. He told me that I had sex with a lot of men.
I tried to convince him that I didn’t but he hit me to make me “confess” that I did.
Totally broken by this person, I got pregnant. And I began to believe the lies about me.
The day I got my pregnancy test, he left.
Now I was a single mom, pregnant, burned out…. and constantly exhausted….wow what a great combination!
My closest friends an relatives didn’t understand.
They didn’t know what I went through with this man. Some of them knew a little but not everything.
-Try to cheer up a bit. You have slept all night? How can you still be tired?
Friends and family who doesn´t understand, become a stone on the burden so you start to isolate yourself. You just don’t have the energy to try to explain what’s happening inside. But when you meet someone who knows, you don’t need to.
It is now 13 years now since I got pregnant and my son is my dearest treasure. So thankful for him.